He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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