So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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