Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
