Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
