tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
