I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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