she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
