we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize