At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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