No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
