dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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