last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize