for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
