We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
