mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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