his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
