Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
