I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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