yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
