You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The uberlube is also flammable
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
