I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I did not marry a roomba.
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