I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
