Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
