Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
