Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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