I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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