Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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