is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
