Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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