he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
