We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everyone says I win the strip club
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
