yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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