Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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