he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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