I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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