It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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