so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
