Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
