it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
