Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
