Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize