return my video game
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
