You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
