You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
