Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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