Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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