you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
