I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
