I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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