I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
