You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
