Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
