Kiss
Puke
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
