Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
