It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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