Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize