Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I fill condoms, not promises.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
