Don't make out with my wife yet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
