I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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