from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
