you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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