Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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