never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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