we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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