he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The power of my boobs compel you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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