I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
