Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
